Four Reasons not to fight with the Pen

One of my favorite websites is The Gospel Coalition. It has a wonderful collection of sermons (40,000+) sortable by topic, preacher, or Scripture reference. It also has a blog that can be a wonderful resource. This Spring, when Rob Bell's book Love Wins was released, the Gospel Coalition published several worthwhile  reviews/responses/critiques to Rob's position. Reviews to note: Justin Taylor. and Al Mohler.

However, when their isn't a major topic to discuss, the blogs can begin to create infighting. Case in point: the debate over multi-site churches. Today's post by Thabiti Anyabwile: Multi-Site Churches Are from the Devil (http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/thabitianyabwile/2011/09/27/multi-site-churches-are-from-the-devil/) is not constructive in settling this issue or leading to open discussion on the matter. Reading through this post, I was reminded why I don't like to respond to people through e-mail - I would much rather settle disagreements face to face.



1.) I am terrible at reading tone. When I receive a e-mail, I struggle understand whether the person writing is being sincere or sarcastic. By not seeing their face or hearing their voice, it is harder for me to understand their intent. In a dispute, this can create a mistaken conclusion and escalate the issue.

2.) I bully when I write. First I summarize the other person's position. Sometimes I do this accurately, other time I set up a "straw-man" and restate their position a little differently. Then I attack my summary of their position. I do this uninterrupted, building steam as I go. It is not until I am through and have pressed "send" that the other party has the ability to interrupt and say "That's not what I meant at all." By this point, I have probably said more than I wished. Written words are hard to pull back.

3.) Responding via e-mail and Facebook delays the consequences of your communication. It is the difference between dropping a bomb from the drone you are flying over Iraq from your computer-screen in Arizona and having to look a man in the eyes when you pull the trigger (analogy - not first-hand knowledge).

 4.) Written disputes are hard to forgive. There is a written record. Last week I was rummaging through some old files and came across some written correspondence I had long forgotten. Seeing the words on paper brought old emotion to a boil that should have been left in the past.

If you find yourself in a dispute, settle it in person. If you find it is easier to organize your thoughts on paper, bring the paper with you to the face-to-face meeting. The pen can be sharper than a sword. So can the tongue. Learn to say " I was wrong - will you forgive me" and keep short lists of offenses.