A Visit with my Mom
I visited my mother today. She was sleeping when I walked in her room. I sat quietly in a chair watching her sleep.
Life can be most cruel when your body outlives your mind. Her children have watched her become more helpless over time. She struggles to communicate, cannot stay with conversations, and at times becomes frustrated and agitated. This is not her - dementia has taken its toll. As I sit, I remember little of past conversations or lessons taught. I remember a woman who grieved with those who grieved and rejoiced with those who rejoiced. She was simple in many ways, but she was faithful. She was faithful to a husband who could be difficult. She was faithful to children who could disappoint. She was faithful to her church: preparing meals, organizing funerals, teaching children, bearing slights. A lifetime of “you before me” – caring for her family, her church, serving her God faithfully. Faithful trumps brilliance.
I pause for a moment and thank God for her condition. While I wish she knew my kids (she would have loved to hear Calvin preach), and I could express my love, I know that the current limitations have lessoned the sting of losing her husband – her daughter. I thank God that this is “temporary, light affliction” – and look forward to an eternity where there is no more sorrow, or tears, or suffering, or disappointment. I am reminded of the long-reaching effects of sin, and I am filled with a sense of urgency not to waste the days or “waste my suffering.”
Her eyes open and she says, “Oh, wow!” She cannot tell you who I am – but she knows I am someone special. Our visit is limited by language – we hold hands and she smiles. She yawns and drifts in and out of sleep, each time awaking and saying, “Oh, wow!” I gently let go of her hand and try to time my exit for when she is asleep. I kiss her forehead and whisper, “I love you”, and leave for what I expect will be the last time.
As I drive away, I am limited by language to express my love for the mother who prayed with me as a child and led me to Jesus.
David,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you sharing your heart and time spent with your mom.
My dad went home to be with the Lord two years from the same condition. Our prayers go out to you and your family.
In His hands,
Mike Carroll
Beautiful thoughts....made me cry. So glad you could spend time with her today.
ReplyDeleteWhat a dear post. My Mom, Dad, and oldest sister have all gone to be with the Lord in the past years and my sister had dementia for the past few years of her life. I understand the ache and praise you speak about. God is so good to us, to give us joy in these circumstances, even through the pain of seeing (in your case) your Mom slip away. Heaven is a glorious place. Thank you for your heartfelt post.
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