Conflict - When to Avoid, When to Engage

I was recently preparing for a sermon from John 4 about Jesus and the women at the well. I listened to a sermon from James MacDonald from John 4:1-6, where Jesus avoided conflict with the Pharisees but engaged in the Jew/Samaritan conflict. Here are some principles to help you determine when to avoid conflict, and when to engage.
    
John 4:1-5
Now when Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John  (although Jesus himself did not baptize, but only his disciples), he left Judea and departed again for Galilee. And he had to pass through Samaria. So he came to a town of Samaria called Sychar, near the field that Jacob had given to his son Joseph.

"He left Judea and departed again for Galilee."

Is Jesus running away?  Let’s have interpretation by voting.  How many people say Jesus is not running away?  Incorrect. 

ANSWER:  He is 100% running away.  Now I don’t know if Jesus actually physically ran, but He is fleeing the scene.  Jesus is vacating the conflict.  Jesus is leaving.  Jesus is letting go. 

Proverbs [20:3], It is the wisdom of a man to stand aloof from strife.

Proverbs [26:4], Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him.

When to Avoid Conflict:

1.) When the opposition is longstanding and stubborn. 

But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him,  knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned. Titus 3:9-11

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.                2 Timothy 2:23

When it’s longstanding, think long and hard about whether today is the day to engage with that. 

“If you can’t pick the fruit, don’t bruise it.”  

for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires. James 1:20

If beating the issue to death isn’t getting it done, it’s time to try something different.  It’s wise sometimes to stand aloof from strife.

2.) When it’s Personal. 

The Pharisees weren’t coming after somebody else; they were coming after Christ and His ministry.  And when the opposition is personal, when they’re going after you, when they’re attacking you, maybe that’s the time for you to be silent and let God defend you.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.  Beloved,  never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." Rom 12:18-19

Often, we get real passive when somebody else is being maligned and then get up out of our chair when we are attacked:  “How dare she say that about me!

Will you just trust God in that moment?  Will you give that over to the Lord?

3) When the opposition is unfair.

Don’t run from criticism that’s fair—face into it; learn from it; and humble yourself.

4) When the opposition is for God. 

When the opposition is what you’re doing for God?  That’s not something to face into.

Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good?  But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled,  but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous,that he might bring us to God,                1 Peter 3:13-18

When You Should Face Conflict

1.) When the person being wronged is not you.

Jesus walks directly through Samaria to deal with the white hot racial tensions between the Samaritans and the Jews. There he finds a woman, by herself, at a well at noon. She has been shunned by her society for her adulterous way. Jesus reaches out to her and extends grace.

2.) When the issue at stake matters to God.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth."  Acts 1:8-9

The salvation of the Samaritans was not a minor issue. Racism was not a minor issue. These were not meaningless quarrels. Jesus engages in the battle.

3.) When the circumstances create proximity.

Jesus was on His way somewhere.  He was traveling from Judea to Galilee. He could do what other rabbis did and cross the Jordan to avoid Samaria altogether. Instead, Jesus dealt with this in a timely manner when the opportunity presented itself.

4.) When avoidance would make things worse.

Jesus could not avoid this issue without making matters worse. To bypass Samaria would have given his silent endorsement to the prejudice and contempt the jews gel for the Samaritans. 

I'm praying for God to grow our wisdom about when to face into it or, and when to flee conflict.

Why did Christ Die?

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:8

The Symbol of the Cross

Religions become associated with the symbol that represents what they believe. Buddhism is associated with the lotus flower. Judaism, the star of David. The crescent symbolizes Islam. The early church used the symbol of a fish (fish = “ichthys”), an acronym for “Jesus Christ, Son of God, Savior” (“Iesus Christos, Theou Huios Soter”).

The return of Jesus and the Day of the Lord

The return of Jesus Christ has a dual purpose. 2 Thessalonians 1:5-10 states:

This is evidence of the righteous judgment of God, that you may be considered worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are also suffering— since indeed God considers it just to repay with affliction those who afflict you, and to grant relief to you who are afflicted as well as to us, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might, when he comes on that day to be glorified in his saints, and to be marveled at among all who have believed, because our testimony to you was believed.

This generation will not pass away

Jesus as entered Jerusalem, and is just days away from the Cross. The disciples come to Jesus and begin to ask Him about His return. He goes through a detailed list of things they are to watch for, describes His return, and then delivers this verse:


So also, when you see these things taking place, you know that he is near, at the very gates. Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place. Mark 13:29-31

Heresy, Association, and Second-Degree Seperation

The Elephant Room  has created quite a stir over what degree of association is appropraite with people who hold to different biblical and doctrinal distinctives. This event has created divisions within conservative evangelical circles, with men I lean into for guidence as a pastor on both sides. Justin Taylor,  Kevin DeYoung, and others have written reviews. Others have been harsh in their critiques of the event, specifically the inclusion of T.D. Jakes in the discussions because of Jakes "heretical" views on the Trinity and alignment wih the prosperity Gospel movement. James MacDonald has resigned from the Gospel Coalition.

I have little desire to blog into the storm of bloggers speaking into this controversy. I have attended both Elephant Room conferences, and my reflections on these events are as follows.

1. It is easy to be a critic. God has blessed me with allowing me to spend time with some great leaders, both in ministry and in business. I am always reminded of a quote from Theodore Rooseveldt, that I first saw under the glass on the desk of my father-in-law, Robert VanKampen:   "It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
2. It is hard to listen. Before T.D. Jakes spoke a word, there was no way this could possibly end well. Sides were entrenched and while much was said, little was heard. T.D. Jakes is being labeled a "heretic" from both sides of the Trinity debate. Because so much attention before the event was focused on the Trinity issue, concerns over Jake's views related to prosperity and the Gospel were set aside discuss his position on the Trinity. Now the critique is focused on the lack of discussion on prosperity. Impossible to win when sides are already entrenched.
3. I love James MacDonald. I count it a privilidge to call him a personal friend. I give much credit to him for my spiritual development. He has been a mentor. I think the thing I appreciate most about the Elephant Room is that James has been willing to take risks and absorb a wave of criticism to have influence over others, particularily young pastors. (I look back fondly at the first event when there was a ruckus of including Steven Furtick). It is hard to have influence from the critic's chair. Over our ten-year friendship, James has proven to be loyal while challenging me and helping me grow. James and I have had our differences - he never through me aside. He continues to influence because he has stayed in relationship with me when distancing himself would have been easier. 
4. I am getting softer. When I was younger, I was more sure that I knew everything. I was quicker on the draw, eager to fight. I have been challenged by James and the Elephant Room to respond not just to a man's words but also to the man, understanding who he is. In the process, I don't think my doctrine or my convictions have drifted, just my pride.  Love does not require us to abandon beliefs, just listen before making judgments. 

Praying for your cold, dark heart

What comes out of a person is what defiles him.  For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.  All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." 

Mark 7:20-23

Grace for Sandusky???

I have watched the revelations surrounding Penn's State's football program with horror and sadness.  This week, Jerry Sandusky, a former coach at Penn State and founder of Second Mile, a charity for underprivileged boys, was charged with 40 counts of criminal sexual assault. Over the last few days, Penn State's President (Graham Spanier), Athletic Director (Tim Curley), Sr. VP of Business (Gary Schultz), and legendary football coach Joe Paterno have either resigned or been terminated. I believe that this is just the beginning, and could lead to the resignation of the governor of Pennsylvania.

What is your authority for "Truth"

This article, originally posted on the church leaders.com website, is a great example of why Mars Hill Church in Grand Rapids scares me. My comments follow the article.

David Wisen: Investment Manager

I alway struggle answering the simple question: "What do you do"? I have worn several different hats and been involved in several businesses, and over the past 20 years the answer to that question has included analyst, stock/commodity trader, real estate developer, baker, and president of the Van Kampen Group. Add to that husband, father, coach, elder...and now Pastor. For the past five years, my business card has simply listed my title as "Bondslave of Jesus Christ". This created a platform for my testimony in the business community. Now that I am a pastor, I think I am going to use reverse logic and refer to myself as an "Investment Manager". I am beginning to realize that the roles of managing money and pastoring are similar in many ways.  For instance;

"He Changed My Life"

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." Steve Jobs, 2005.

The Law and Grace

One of the things that makes me smile as the pastor of a new church is the diversity of people and the different backgrounds they bring to our church. This past Sunday night our church had a fall picnic - about 300 people attended. We had an inflatable obstacle course for the kids, the adults played soccer and bag-toss, and we cooked up burgers and brats. On Monday morning, I received a call from a man questioning if this was a proper activity for a Sunday.

Four Reasons not to fight with the Pen

One of my favorite websites is The Gospel Coalition. It has a wonderful collection of sermons (40,000+) sortable by topic, preacher, or Scripture reference. It also has a blog that can be a wonderful resource. This Spring, when Rob Bell's book Love Wins was released, the Gospel Coalition published several worthwhile  reviews/responses/critiques to Rob's position. Reviews to note: Justin Taylor. and Al Mohler.

However, when their isn't a major topic to discuss, the blogs can begin to create infighting. Case in point: the debate over multi-site churches. Today's post by Thabiti Anyabwile: Multi-Site Churches Are from the Devil (http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/thabitianyabwile/2011/09/27/multi-site-churches-are-from-the-devil/) is not constructive in settling this issue or leading to open discussion on the matter. Reading through this post, I was reminded why I don't like to respond to people through e-mail - I would much rather settle disagreements face to face.

Great Sources of Spiritual food

In all of human history, there has never been a time when so much good preaching is available and making such little difference.

If you are someone who struggles to be in the Word consistently, let me recommend some of the places I lean on for strong Biblical insight. The pastors listed below are usually strong on Biblical interpretation, and the websites listed contain good content. I have tried to arrange the pastors by style, depending on what you are looking for.

How a Pastor Celebrates.

Several people have commented this week that I should be on cloud nine. This past Sunday was an exciting week at our church, with dozens being baptized and several making new commitments to follow Jesus. As the week comes to a close, I was looking back and reflecting on the week - you might be surprised how a pastor celebrates.

Five Signs your Church is Gaining Traction

1.     The Ministry is Messy. Everyone wants to be part of a missional church, whatever that means. We long to attract the masses, baptize new believers until were pruny, be forced to expand by explosive growth (for examples, see TheVillageChurch.org or Elevationchurch.org). Praise God for stories of blessing like these! However, no matter the size of your church, it will never sustain its mission (think Great

A visit with my Mom

A Visit with my Mom

I visited my mother today. She was sleeping when I walked in her room. I sat quietly in a chair watching her sleep.

Life can be most cruel when your body outlives your mind. Her children have watched her become more helpless over time. She struggles to communicate, cannot stay with conversations, and at times becomes frustrated and agitated. This is not her - dementia has taken its toll. As I sit, I remember little of past conversations or lessons taught. I remember a woman who grieved with those who grieved and rejoiced with those who rejoiced. She was simple in many ways, but she was faithful. She was faithful to a husband who could be difficult. She was faithful to children who could disappoint. She was faithful to her church: preparing meals, organizing funerals, teaching children, bearing slights.  A lifetime of “you before me” – caring for her family, her church, serving her God faithfully. Faithful trumps brilliance.

I pause for a moment and thank God for her condition. While I wish she knew my kids (she would have loved to hear Calvin preach), and I could express my love, I know that the current limitations have lessoned the sting of losing her husband – her daughter. I thank God that this is “temporary, light affliction” – and look forward to an eternity where there is no more sorrow, or tears, or suffering, or disappointment. I am reminded of the long-reaching effects of sin, and I am filled with a sense of urgency not to waste the days or “waste my suffering.”

Her eyes open and she says, “Oh, wow!” She cannot tell you who I am – but she knows I am someone special. Our visit is limited by language – we hold hands and she smiles. She yawns and drifts in and out of sleep, each time awaking and saying, “Oh, wow!” I gently let go of her hand and try to time my exit for when she is asleep. I kiss her forehead and whisper, “I love you”, and leave for what I expect will be the last time.

As I drive away, I am limited by language to express my love for the mother who prayed with me as a child and led me to Jesus.

John Piper - Why he is so loved

John Piper, maybe more than any other pastor today, has made a huge impact on a generation of younger pastors. Sometimes when I read his books, it seems like it takes him ten pages to say what could be said in two sentences. Sometimes when I listen to his sermons, I find myself wishing I was listening to a more

Great article about being a wife by a wife

Once again, as soon as I am done preaching on a topic - a great article on the issue is released. The great thing about this article - it is written by a women. It creates more credibility than if I were to say the words.

Killing off Marriage

Murphy's law at work again! Why is it the moment I am done studying a topic (marriage), I find a bunch of new resources on the topic.